Close Your Pants Daddy

[rocker]

My sexuality has been a huge thing in my life.

Ever since I was a young child I was a very physical person, which of course, grew to be more as I reached my teenage years. But as a young child, I went through the 'exploring or doctor' phase with many friends.

I always thought I was more interested in sex more than other people...heck, sex ed was my favorite class. But I would never admit it.

Then the big event happened. (some of you may remember this story, I talked about several times on LW)

On my 15th birthday in grade 9 my dad was called to the police station. He told me he was identifying a car he saw for something. So he dropped me, my boyfriend at the time, my best friend at the time and his gf off at the movies and then went to the station.

We spent the evening at my boyfriend's house and I wanted Natalie (best friend's gf) to sleep over so I called home and my mom said no. I was so shocked. It was saturday night, MY BIRTHDAY and I was not allowed to have a friend sleep over. So I was uber pissed.

The next two days I noticed my parents kinda being secretive and whatnot.

On the Tuesday after my birthday my sister (3yrs older) and I walked from out bus stop to see my dad's car in the drive way. What? Shouldn't he be at work? I told Emily (sister) that they were actting weird but we laughed it off.

We came in the kitchen and my dad looked like he had just been crying and my mom was trying to hold back tears.

They made us sit down and my dad said he was fired for flashing young children and doing it during work hours. They knew it was him because someone saw him walk back to his work van. My sister and I both stormed off in tears soo and my sister said she didn't want him in the house. So he spent the evenings and nights at a neighbour who they trust and told the situation to.

Days following were awful. I slowly told friends. When I told my boyfriend he laughed and made jokes. Others were supportive and said I could stay with them if I wanted and others said nothing.

My grandpa paid for a lawyer and he ended up getting probation and counselling. My parent's church help them apparently (I don't go to church) also.

At the finial court hearing a reporter got the story. It was published in the paper for all to see (this was begining of gr 10 by now). My dad used to work at my school before he got transfered to the head school board building. So teachers knew, neighbours were comming over with their simpathies and family tried to make us feel better.

(on the Tuesday in gr 9, my uncle came over and talked about male masurbation and their mind...he tried to help...but it was awkward)

People sent the newpaper many nasty letters about how they ruined this otherwise nice man's rep. The paper only published one letter which said they thought my dad should be behind bars...anything supporting him was ignored.

As I am sure you can imagine, it was not easy to deal with. Still isn't. My dad and mom stayed together, he got a job with my uncle and is done his probation pretty much now. All seems to be forgotten. (he is a really good guy usually...that is why it was so weird and shocking).

But then I see myself, and see how sexual I am (not in a multiple partner, slutty way) and cannot help but wonder if I will do something stupid like him.

And from the outside, I do not look sexual. I wear baggy pants and my boyfriend's band sweaters that a 10times too big usually. I do not show off my body often. Maybe a tank top now and again and nothing more. And I think that might be the inner fear I have about my sexuality...I dunno.

I am just so scared I will turn out like him.

[Masaro]

I'm a veritble walking ball of hormone man, chances are I'll do something stupid before you. o,o

[Kell]

Do you think that perhaps having this happen to you will have the reverse effect of what you're expecting?

What I mean is, instead of it causing you to do something stupid, you may be more aware of what you do so as not to make a mistake like his. As an example, I grew up in a household where I was constantly exposed to people taking various drugs, and witnessing the outcomes of that. Throughout my childhood I was scared I was going to turn out like my parents... I mean, if they did that, surely I was going to. It was only recently that I've realised that wasn't the case at all... Seeing the effects of what they've done makes me never want to get involved with drugs at all, and makes me all the more aware of what I do.

Yeah, not really the same thing, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that just cause your dad made a mistake doesn't mean you will. You're two different people, afterall.

[bushspretzel]

Kell is right. This should be a learning point. Your dad pulled a Mikey Jackson. Don't follow in his footsteps.

[rocker]

Please do not put Michael Jackson and my father in the same boat.

[bushspretzel]

If he really flashed little kids, he's messed up. Something's wrong there. He may not touch them, but still. And now you. You and your sexuality. You might grow up to be a fine woman. But when you get old, you'll continue to want sex, and when your old husband can't give you any(or he's dead), what are you going to do? I'll tell you what you're going to do, you're going to rent a male prostitute. And male prositutes have AIDS. Do you really want AIDS? If you get AIDS, you'll have a magnificent time trying to stay alive. And what happens when you want to stay alive? You take Tylenol. And do you know how much Tylenol you'd need(8 tylenol = 2 aleve, you do the math)? You'd need a lot. In the long run, being a whore costs you more money than it earns.

[rocker]

I should never have posted this here.

[bushspretzel]

True...but don't worry, I'm sure you'll be nothing like that. Most women don't flash little kids(unless they're getting paid).

[egotist]

Honestly, I find it odd that you don't seem to find your father disgusting in the least bit. He is a paedophile, yet you seem to blow it off since, he's a otherwise normal nice guy. And oh boo hoo the paper ruined his reputation. That's fucking bullshit...good, they should have posted the story. Let my tell you something little lady, he ruined his own reputation and did a damn good job of it. He also probably shocked the children and the parents were most likely outraged. He knew what he was doing when he did it and there are consequences for everything. I'm sorry you had to go through this, but I don't believe you should be holding him to such little responsibility.

On to the problem at hand, I honestly don't think this is wired into you, and if it is, you've seen what it can do and hopefully if at any time you did entertain the thought, it would be dismissed because of this. Personally I think you should seek some counseling, perhaps to at least put your mind at ease. From reading what you've said it almost seems as if you've had some type of sexual abuse in the past. I could be wrong but I just kind of get that vibe. At least you recognize the possibility, and this is why you should get some professional help (I realize you aren't actually a paedophile and don't think bad thoughts or anything) but this is a preventional step. Just think about it at least.

[rocker]

I have never been sexually abused. I have been in not so great sexual relationships, but never abused.

And I went to counselling...for depression and dealing with my dads problems. But you know...I completely forgive him. People make mistakes. I have made huge mistakes and gotten messed up in things before so I can understand him. And thats the thing, I feel like I am the only one who understands him yet that scares me and distances me from him at the same time. And really...I do not consider him a pedofile at all. I don't think he was doing it to children cuz he likes kids. I think he was doing it to them because they cannot vocalize what is happening.

I guess I just have to forget about it and move on.

[tinbum]

He's lucky you're so understanding. It's good that you've forgiven him and understand - because people DO make mistakes and they wish they could go back, but they can't. All they can do is keep going. I can see how the newspapers didn't help that, but that's what newspapers do :/

I agree with the person up there who said as a result of this you probably won't go that way. Being very sexual (however you'd like to put it) is hardly a bad thing, just keep it in check. You can do that, you've got yer own will and I'm pretty sure you can control yourself when it comes to it.